Upon first hearing of this film, I had a bad feeling that yet another movie was going to ruin my love for Greek and Roman Mythology. Then, Guy said something about it being the ‘next Harry Potter’, or so the critics were saying. I am not the biggest Harry Potter fan (in public), but it made me hope that the long, stupid title and boring trailers were just bad advertising on the part of some idiot executive’s John Hancock. So, I watched it... and was reminded, yet again, why I have a hate/love relationship with this new vomiting fantasy movie phase. The phase allows for LOTR and Harry Potter to be made, but then things like Percy Jackson are made... And we all should lament.
One: Stop getting teen heart throbs to play HEROES. Perseus is 1000 times better represented by Sam Worthington than the skinny, blue-eyed, moppy-headed boy Logan Lerman. Heroes are supposed to be able to fuck people up! Not charm off some fifteen year old girls pants. Gah. Gah! Awful. I’d rather watch some unattractive, no-name for 118 minutes than some kid whose hair doesn’t move.
Two: Making the Gods 10 times the size of a normal human doesn’t make them any less human, it just makes for awkward stage presence.
Three: I’ve never enjoyed watching actors pretend to get high. Get those kids some real drugs and the acting will be worthy of the screen for the ten minutes you, in reality, wasted.
Four: Compare and contrast Scarlett Johansson as Natasha Romanoff beating up a dozen cops in Iron Man 2 to Alexandra Daddario as Annabeth, the Daughter of Athena (!!), playing with a short sword against five guys. If you still think that the “action” in Percy Jackson is worthy of the noun, then you must be a twelve year old girl and shouldn’t be reading this website. There are swear words on here. Go back to bed.
Five: Girl’s Rating: Don’t spend a nickel on this movie.
Guy’s fear of water...
I guess Girl disliked this movie cause she knows a lot about these Greek gods and stuff. Well, I don’t and I found that this movie was entertaining and can totally see how kids will follow the adventures of Percy Jackson in the future (there’s no plans to make more of these movies).
Sure this is a kids movie but the special effects where decent enough for me to hang in there. There’s also an array of great actors that kept popping up throughout the movie. Keener plays Percy’s mother who was forced to bang an asshole just to keep the gods from killing poor Percy. They said something about that the mans stench was foul enough to trick the Gods (don’t seem so powerful now don’t they?)
Another cool thing was seeing Brosnan as a horse. Yep, he was a horse, although in the “real” world he was in a wheelchair, haven’t figured that one out yet. Also Thurman shows up as a Medusa which was probably one of the highlights in this movie. There’s something about those eyes that makes her perfect for the part.
Who else? Yep, Sean Bean as Zeus which was perfect casting. He commands respect and has that certain something that every God should have. Also Cogan plays Hades and is probably one of the funnier British comedians.
Guy’s Rating: All in all this movie was very entertaining.
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