STATEN ISLAND

Guy’s review...

This is another one of those segmented movies. Let’s see if all the segments where solid... I’m sad to say that they weren’t. This movie is about three people all connected by one event. Ethan Hawkes plays a poo-pumper (don’t know the exact title of his job) who needs money to artifically impregnate his wife. He puts together a bunch of people and decides to rob a house. In robbing the house they accidentally shoot an old lady that lives there. The thing is that the lady is the mother of a famous mobster (Vincent D’Onofrio). The second story is that of the mobster who wants to find and punish the shooter. The third story, which was also my favorite, was about a deaf and mute butcher (Seymour Cassel) who plays the horses and sells meat by day and cuts up people for the mobster by night.

I don’t wanna give away too much of the story because I actually really enjoyed this film. The mobsters side of the movie might not be that compelling but the tale of the butcher really outweighs everything that was slow about this movie. I found myself feeling for Cassel’s character who reminded me a lot of the old man in Up. This could be because the soundtrack for his segment was similar to that movie.

This is a mobster movie but doesn’t have the same amount of violence that usually shows up in this genre. Hold on, when the violence shows up it’s really graphic and will play on all you gore-monkeys' strings.

Guy’s Rating: Nice little movie that flew under the radar. Well worth the watch or the bandwidth.

Girl's little review...

I missed the first segment of this movie, so I can't speak for the whole film; however, I did enjoy what I saw. To me, it wasn't a mobster movie, maybe due to the fact I didn't see the first segment. The last two segments were dealing with non-mobster members, Hawke and Cassel, and their stories were very compelling. The acting from all the people involved was exceptional. Ethan Hawke was amazing, in my opinion, and Cassel was just too cute as the old, conflicted deaf and mute guy. The mobster, D'Onofrio, was okay, but his character wasn't the most interesting of the three, so it figures his acting wasn't note-worthy.

It was a combination of the acting, the soundtrack and the tie-ins that made this movie so enjoyable. The writer didn't play with too many characters, as stories with inter-weaving plots sometimes tend to do, so no one got lost in the telling. And the ending was apt, with the final frame being a tight-shot on cute, wrinkled Cassel, a sad little smile on his sweet face.

Girl's Rating: Great film. Watch it.

HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE

Guy’s quick glance...

It’s been some time since this movie came out. The reason for watching it again was that me and Girl went through one of my boxes of DVD’s. We found a lot of great classics, but (Girl) settled for this.

I had totally forgotten how young the cast was when this journey started and remembered that I was not a big fan of this perticular movie. Maybe the reason was that it was so young. Now when the cast is older and the movies have turned super dark, I’m way bigger of a fan and find myself waiting for the next chapter.

Everybody should know the story of this first movie by now. Harry gets inducted to Hogwarts and starts his first year as a wizard student. The mystery of “the one who’s name we don’t speak” starts here as well.

Guy’s Rating: There might be a Harry Potter marathon for me in the future.

Girl's guilty secret pleasure that's not so secret...

I remember reading the first Harry Potter book and laughing at how childish it was. The books I read always had death, sex and torment. None of that was in the first Harry Potter book (or most of the other books, for that matter).Plus, I was a LOTR fan, so Harry Potter was the dark side for me. That doesn't mean I don't admire Rowling - I think she is awesome and deserves the high praise. It also doesn't mean that I didn't fall victim to the movies...

For years, I tried to keep it a secret. I would buy the DVDs and not tell anyone, watching them by myself and keeping them hidden. Something about the movies was way more appealing than the books. I'm not the biggest geek, but I can be a dork sometimes, and I guess this goes to show that.

Girl's Rating: I would love to have a Harry Potter marathon!

SUDDEN DEATH

Guy’s awe of young Van Damme...

I’ll keep this one short and sweet. People might argue that this is a complete rip-off of “Die Hard”. Well, it is but “Die Hard” doesn’t have Van Damme and “Sudden Death” doesn’t have Willis, so there, you have the difference. I was born in 1983 and all that was when I was growing up was cool sleak action movies, something that seems to have dissapeared completely. I think I addressed this in another review of a new Van Damme movie.

In this classic (yes, classic) Van Damme plays a retired firefighter from Canada who has gotten a job as a fire marshal (inspector) at the Stanley cup finals. The Vice President shows up, gets kidnapped by terrorists, Van Damme’s kids get caught in the crossfire (this makes it personal) and he has to disarm a bunch of bombs while doing his famous splitkick all over the place.

In watching this movie again I actually got some goosebumps. The reason for this is because I get very sentimental. I remember going to the videostore with my friend and checking the new releases shelf. “Sudden Death” was up there as the number one rental. It was out of stock. Me and my friends showed up everyday for three days until we got a copy. We were blown away. Then I got older and VHS died and all my Van Damme tapes became obcelite. Then came the DVD and now I own all of the classics on various collectors editions. Now I’m just lying in wake for the BluRay releases so I can see his spin and split kicks in HD.

Guy’s Rating: Support the cause! Keep the “Muscles From Brussels” alive!

Girl's uhm...

I am a Bruce Willis fan.

Girl's Rating: If you broke your Die Hard DVD and can't find any copies, I guess this will suffice.

EVERBODY'S FINE

Girl has been tricked...

I thought this movie was going to be a light comedy with some pretty great actors in it. I was very wrong. I think I was on the brink of tears throughout the entire movie.

De Niro was amazing as a conflicted older father, recently having experienced the death of his wife. He has become somewhat estranged from his children, as his wife was the bridge between all of them. To set things right, he invites them all over for a summer weekend. When they all cancel on him (that's when the tears started), he decides to travel across the country to visit them instead.

The whole story line is filled with heart-wrenching moments. From simple things, like De Niro alone in his empty house talking to his dead wife, to the more complicated lies his children weave around him to protect him from the harsh truths of their lives. Not all of them became successful like he had so hoped for them, and none of them trust him to be a good father, which is probably the worst part. The huge thing that's appealing about this movie is that he wasn't not a good father due to some commonly used device like alcoholism or adultery. He didn't beat his children or his wife. It's much more simple and relatable than those things. He just was too proud of his kids, too exacting on them reaching their goals. So, unlike the alcoholic, abusive, absent father you are used to in family dramas, we have here a very likable guy who just got in his own way too many times.

There is a scene in the movie where the untravelled De Niro gets attacked in an underground subway by someone he was trying to give money to. He is very shook up from the experience, and what do you do when you are scared? You call your best friend. So, De Niro calls home, where the answering machine still has his wife's voice recorded. He just stands in the telephone booth and listens to it.

Girls' Rating: I approve this movie.

Guy’s not feeling fine review...

De Niro has made some blunders over the last couple of years where he has shown less than talent. Some of the movies that come to mind are “Showtime” and “Hide and Seek”. I give him the benifit of the doubt that those movies were more for the paycheck than the actual art of movie making. I’ve not forgotten what a good actor he is and he reminded me of that in this movie.

Rob plays an old man whose wife has recently passed. Now he has put it upon himself to visit all of his kids to see if they’re fine and get them all to come to a christmas dinner. In traveling the country he finds that the kids are keeping secrets from him both small and really big. He finds that he might have been too daunting of a father and now he has to earn his childrens' trust again.

De Niro’s kids are played by Beckinsale, Rockwell and Barrymore, who all do a great job. The one to watch though is De Niro who once again shows us why he was so great in “Mean Streets”, ”Cape Fear” and “Raging Bull”. I have to admit that this movie played on all my heartstrings and almost had me to tears at many times. They just pulled out all the stops and Girl almost had a heart attack from the sadness.

Guy’s Rating: Watch this, but get ready. You might need to stock up on some tissues.

THE COLLECTOR

Guy’s review...

So this is a new attempt at a horror franchise by the people who gave us the “Saw” movies. What you have to look forward to then is some brutal and mindaltering gore and blood scenes. By mind-altering, I mean scenes that will scar your brain for a couple of days or maybe weeks depending how sensitive you are.

What’s the movie about? Arkin is a regular guy who’s trying to make some money to save his wife and daughter from angry loansharks. He works as a part-time carpenter at an old house in the countryside. He makes a bunch of cash and goes to deliver the money to the wife but he finds out that the money’s not enough. He decides to break into the house that he worked on and steal a sizeable diamond. When he’s about to unlock the safe in the house he finds that he’s not alone. A murderer has taken over the house and turned it into a big trap full of knifes, acid and beartraps. Instead of stealing from the family that lives here, he decides to make his best attempts to save them.

I liked the original “Saw” movie but, as many others think, the series has lost a lot of steam. This movie is sadly a poor copy of what was once a good horror franchise. It has the same setup and type of violence. You kinda care about the character, though, which is a good thing and this adds to the thrills that actually exists here. If I find myself flinching or averting my eyes that means that they did something right and this is something I did in some scenes.

Guy’s Rating: Only for you gore fiends out there and maybe not for people with a weak stomach.

Girl's review...

I thought the original Saw movie was stupid. I remember why, too. I saw it in the theatre and I remember watching everyone's reactions to the horror of it. I guess that took the edge of the movie out for me, as I just saw how stupidly it played on people's fears.

This movie I watched at home with only Guy there. As he wasn't doing anything distracting with his facial expressions, I actually concentrated on the movie, and I found myself being the stupid person. I thought this movie was awesome, with it's suspense and horror. The gore was grotesque only once, so that aspect shouldn't put someone off from watching this movie.

Having not been taken in by the Saw series, I guess I was fair game for this movie. I flinched and cringed and was interested for the entirety of The Collector. The main character, Arkin, was a great creation, in my opinion. He actually is a thief as well as a carpenter (Guy might have missed that part), so he had some pretty sweet skills about how to defend himself and how to create some traps of his own. The actor also looked a bit like Edward Norton. Hot.

Girl's Rating: Great, fun Friday night horror film.

NINE

Guy’s view on musicals and this movie...

I have to admit that I can’t understand the musical genre. The fact that people just burst into song about what they are doing and thinking kinda annoys me. Musicals that I’ve enjoyed in the past are “Moulin Rouge” and “Across the Universe”, the fact being that they were different and somewhat hip (yes, hip).

This time Rob Marshall takes a second stab at this genre. He previously released “Chicago”, which I’m not a big fan of at all. However, with this film, I found myself enjoying the singing and choreographed dances. The movie is about a guy (Daniel Day Lewis) trying to make another movie. He’s been on a low and made a couple of flops but everybody is looking forward to this project. The movie is pretty much about the women in his life, his muses. We get to see musical segments with his mother, wife, a whore, seamstress, mistress, a reporter and leading actress as they sing about his life.

The main reason that I liked this movie must have been because of the great Danel Day Lewis who can’t seem to do anything wrong. Sure he seems like a nutty actor but he pulls off some amazing performances. The women, Dench, Cruz, Cotillard, Loren, Kidman and Fergie, all do great performances, but the tip of the hat goes foremost to Cotillard who’s really coming into her own as a Hollywood actress.

Guy’s Rating: To you macho guys out there. It won’t kill you to watch this movie... I promise.

Girl's hope for something better...

Not a big fan of musicals, I still really wanted to like this movie. I had high expectations for something dramatic and fun and beautiful. Although it was fun and very beautiful, it wasn't very dramatic. I will never write a musical, nor will I ever be involved with the production of one, so I would have to assume that the story is hard to keep to when you have to worry about dance choreography and songs the whole time. I also have to assume that's why they kept the story of this so, so simple. A man can't write another movie because he has lost his way - too many women, you could say. Simple.

The problem for me lay in that, yes, there were too many women! All had to have their say, their dance, their contribution. We had seven women do their song and dance and play their part in Daniel Day Lewis' character's life. Somewhere in there, I got lost as to what the point was. I stopped caring about the main character. He was a cheat, a liar, and no genius. All these women loved him or affected him, but sometimes the why didn't seem believable. In the end, he wasn't anything special, but maybe that was the point and I just didn't like it.

Like Guy, the one character I liked was that played by Cotillard. She was Guido's wife, and she was magnificent. Maybe it's her cute accent or her gorgeous eyes, but she plays off the camera so well. Her sexy set at the end was way more appealing than Cruz's earlier song and dance. Cruz seemed like Cruz playing the cute part of an adulteress (not oscar nomination worthy, by the way), but Cotillard's performance was powerful. Again, maybe that was the point, and again, I just liked the powerful stuff, not the fluff.

I think, to watch this movie, you need to be into musicals. You need to watch it just for fun and something to tap your foot to, and not to get any award-winning dramatic performances from. All you'll get is what Coitllard will give you, and she is just one woman out of a cast of nine.

If this film is to win awards for something, it should be for art direction and costume design, because when it came to these two things, it was very glamorous.

Girl's Rating: Didn't live up to the hype, but still a beautifully constructed movie, with a touch of the dramatic and a huge serving of fun.

BODYGUARDS AND ASSASSINS

Guy’s Hiyaaa!!

Martial Art movies will never die in Hong Kong and China. They have huge fanbases and are a classic form of cinema. Right now the stars of these movies seem scarce, for people like Jet Li, Chow Yun Fat and Jackie Chan have left the country and moved on to bigger things (not better). I guy who hasn’t is Donnie Yen and he might be one of the best right now.

So this is a time where the British part of Hong Kong is in a transition from the old in to the new. The assassins are against the change while the bodyguards are for it. This has resulted in a vicious rivelry that claims many lives. It all culmunates when the bodyguards sign up to transfer the president through town.

To be honest I can’t say much about the storyline because a crazy dog was running around my apartment while I was watching the movie, making it really hard to follow. Let’s talk about the fight scenes instead then because for many this is the reason we watch these types of movies.

I have to say that they were awesome. Back in the day, people in these types of movies had a dust cloud bounce of their body to signify a hit. Now it seems like they are more generous with the blood. I like this new trend, but I’m not oppose to the old style either. In this movie it seems like they’ve found a good balance between the two.

Guy’s Rating: Some good ass-kicking here but I don’t know if it’s worth the whole two hours and eleven minutes. Maybe just fast forward to the fights.

Girl's short review...

I was watching said crazy dog, so I didn't follow the story line at all. I'm usually pretty quiet during movies, but I was asking a million questions during this one... Not a good sign.

The fight scenes were okay. There wasn't too much of the wire fighting, which I dislike when used overly much, so I wasn't rolling my eyes the whole time... That's a good sign! The one note-worthy fight scene was at the end of the movie, between an ex-assassin and his former "friend". Leading up to that, though, it's a fairly tedious movie.

Girl's rating: As I didn't really care about the characters, I didn't really care for this movie.

UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: REGENERATION

Guy’s review...

First off, I knew this was gonna be bad. I mean really bad. The only reason I watched the whole movie was because I saw the original, which was awesome by the way. I also have some love for the great Jean-Claude Van Damme, I mean when I was growing up with movies like “Kickboxer”, “Death Warrant”, “Double Impact” and the great gem “Bloodsport”. If you haven’t seen those movies I would advice you to watch them soon.

So what happens in this third installment of the now dead UniSol series? Well, they brought back Dolph for a couple of minutes and kill him off again. Van Damme is a sad UniSol that’s in therapy. Some soldiers burst in and they take him to a lab where they “reboot” him and turn him into a killing machine... again. He is now used to take out a terrorist group that has taken a nuclear power plant hostage.

This is a horrible, horrible movie and if you’re a fan of Van Damme then you might even shed a tear. It actually looks like JCVD himself is about to shed a bunch of tears when he’s on the screen in this “film”. Maybe he remembers how great he was and has put himself into a deep depression. So please, If you have any good memories left of this once great action hero preserve them by not watching this disaster.

Guy’s Rarting: Should be pretty clear by now.

Girl's review...

This was the worst movie I have seen this year. Just shit. The only good part was the one bad guy. One out of the five bad guys! Pathetic. And I'm not talking about the cliche scientist, but the real bad guy who has good intentions but a bad work ethic. The russian or whatever, and even his character was one dimensional. The actor is the one that saved that part. That scientist, though... He should have died before the script was released for production. Everything he said, everything he did... He should have just steepled his fingers together and laughed madly, he was that pathetic of a character. So useless, a waste of paper and money... Agh, I hated him.

Girl's rating: A sad attempt at film making.

THE RUNNING MAN

Girl's guilty pleasure...

I like this movie. Is that a bad thing? I think it's not, and since this is my website, I think I'm right.

This movie has everything that's so good about the 80s: spandex, big hair and Arnold. This was one of those movies on TV all the time in the 90s, so I watched it often. As a kid, movies like this, "futuristic" movies, always depicted this unclean, divided country where the majority of people were stupid and sheep-like, and the few others were a part of a "resistance" army in the "underground". They would find their unlikely hero and hijack the "supercomputer" or "network" with his help, then save the day and show the stupid people how manipulated they had become. It's all so generic and cliche, but when you grew up it was new and exciting! Especially with the hot costumes and disco music.

I willingly admit this movie is stupid, overdramatic, and filled with holes... but you shouldn't care too much about those things. It is an 80s action film and anything goes with Arnold as your lead.

Girl's Rating: Give me a big muscly-armed man in spandex any day of the week and I'll say yes!

Guy’s review...

I’m sorry to say but this is actually the first time I’ve seen this movie. For Girl it was not considering that this is one of her father's favorite movies, ever (I never said ever - Girl). I’ve seen everything else that Arnold has appeared in, even “Hercules in New York”. I knew about this movie, but something made me skip over it. Maybe it was because Stephen King wrote it. Not that he’s bad writer, but his sci-fi movies have a tendency to be pretty bad (“Maximum Overdrive”).

In this movie, Arnold gets framed as a killer of 60 innocent people and gets the nickname “The Butcher”. He is held in a military prison, which he escapes from. After the daring escape, which consisted of Arnold running across an airstrip, he gets captured by a crazy game show host. The host decides to put Arnold in a reality TV-show where convicts get to run an obstacle course and get attacked by crazy people with chainsaws, flamethrowers and some weird guy with christmas lights on. Well, he beats everybody up and saves the day.

I think the reason that this movie didn’t blow me away was that I missed it as a youngster. You forgive so many shitty things about these types of movies if you watched them as a kid. It’s just that you have a certain bond to it. I have that bond with other Arnold movies like “Predator”, “T2: Judgement Day”, “Commando” and even “Red Heat”. This I might grow to like but it’s gonna take a while. If anything I will learn to enjoy it for I know Girl has a blast watching it.

Guy’s Rating: It’s Arnold you know? Either you love it or hate it.

HUMPDAY

Guy’s review...

Ben and Andrew are best friends. Two different people, Ben has settled down and is about to start a family. Andrew is in the “it” crowd and tries to have as much fun as possible. One night, Ben goes with Andrew to one of his parties. Here they find out about an artsy porn festival. A festival where porn is trying to come as close to art as possible. Ben and Andrew think that two straight men having sex would be very artistic. The seed is planted and the two best friends decide to do it.

What I liked about this movie is that they seemed like regular people even though some of the acting was shitty, but I guess the common Joe with no training is a shitty actor. It has a great setup and is full of “real” conversations about who we are and what we are trying to be. I found myself really listening to what they were saying.

This doesn’t sound very funny at all. I assure you, it is. There’s a moment in the movie where you’ll cover your face to sheld yourself from the awkwardness. It’s just real stuff that’ll make you smile.

Guy’s Rating: A great indie that gives a little bit of hope to filmmakers, so watch it.

Girl's hump thoughts...

This movie didn't just make me cover my face once, to shield myself from the awkwardness. It felt like I watched this whole movie with fingers framing it's edges, it was so awkward.

First, it was the acting. Ben, the guy with the wife and the house and the white picket fence, is a horrible actor to watch. I hated his every mannerism, his every "deep" rant, his very existence bothered me. I hope this actor isn't like that in real life, because people like that should be shot. His wife was almost no better. Although she didn't annoy me nearly as much, it was probably more to do with the fact she had less camera time and therefore didn't get to talk about her annoying self. Still, when she got drunk with Andrew to become buddies with him, I was shielding my eyes from her "drunk" acting skills. Andrew was the only shinning star in this movie concerning the acting. Although stupidity does run from his mouth like a river at times, he still has he redeeming qualities: the crazy laugh he has, the fact he actually smiles (huge), and that he seems generally innocent of all the fake anxiety Ben tries to act out.

If this movie had ended any other way, I doubt I would have enjoyed it as much as I did. The fact the last note of the movie was on Andrew was a blessing. Whoever wrote that part into the script did the right thing. In the end, Ben and his wife were the supporting characters, although it doesn't seem that way for most of the film. It was Andrew's story that was the most interesting, therefore it was definitely right for the movie to end on him.

Girl's Rating: Awkward, independent cinema with border-line horrible acting on two out of three parts... I recommend this film, even though I don't know if I liked it yet.

HALO: LEGENDS

Guy’s segmented thoughts...

So first me and Girl watched a segmented movie based on the not yet released videogame “Dante’s Inferno”. Now the turn has come to “Halo”. So this time they took a bunch of animators/directors from japan and gave them free rome on the “Halo” franchise. I wish I could say that all shorts was amazing, but they weren’t. A couple of similar projects are already out there, the “Batman” collaborations and the “Animatrix” collection. So unfortunately I have to compare these a little bit, only because the predecessors were a tad better.

The biggest difference to me is probably the quality control. It almost feels like they struggled this time to get all the directors in place. Only because some of the shorts are not to par with a collection like this and are almost instantly forgotten after watching it. For example the fuzzy looking short where the aliens where fighting each other... meh.

The best short out of all of them was clearly “The Babysitter”. Everything from the story to the animation was everything you could wish for in something like this and they had a great twist on the myth that is Master Chief.

Guy’s Rating: Watch only if you’re a superfan of the Halo games.

Girl's review...

Like I said in my Dante's Inferno review, these video game adaptations are only as good as their visuals. Out of the ten or so segments, I remember two.

One of the two was "The Babysitter". The visuals, although nothing dramatically different than the rest, were drawn with obvious talent. Nothing was hasty in their creation, and the twist on Master Chief's character was an appealing explanation mark on this segment.

The other segment I remembered for how bad it was. It created a charactiture of Halo, and for some random reason, Dragon Ball-Z. Maybe there is some connection there I am not privy, too, but watching it, it seemed pretty stupid.

Girl's Rating: Forgettable. Absurd. Childish. A mockery of a good franchise. Need a reason not to watch this? I have many.

MR 73

Guy’s review...

As a Swede I’m plagued every year by stupid and boring cop dramas/thrillers. Why can’t we just look a little bit to the south and steal at least a couple of ideas from the French? I mean, they have movies like this on and “Crimson Rivers” that are bleak, dirty and deal with some real shit.

This movie is about an alcoholic cop that is still dealing with the death of his child and now-brain-damaged wife. He gets a case with a serial killer that binds and rapes woman. His cop instincts are rekindled and he sets off to find the guy who did it. There’s a side story here about a girl that watched her mother and father get killed when she was a young child. Now her parents' killer is set to be released. The old cop (Schneider) is linked to the young women cause he was the one assigned to the case. Well, she finds him and now he has to deal with that as well.

This movie is very dark and almost too long to bear, but certain scenes keep you in there. I’m a big fan of French cinema and even a low budget movie like this will certainly find an audience. I liked it although I zoned out at some moments. Oh, I almost forgot. There’s a huge cat in this movie, I mean huge.

Guy’s Rating: If you like cop dramas, then you’ll like this.

Girl's blah review...

I liked the movie Seven. That movie was an awesome cop drama, and I compare all cop dramas I see to it. This movie doesn't come close to being on par with the twisted story of Seven.

It seems like, in this film, they used all the cheap tricks of any drama. How do we make the main character at his lowest? We kill his daughter and maim his wife beyond repair, of course, and give him alcohol. How do we make him hit rock bottom? Why, kill his partner because of a choice our hero makes! Duh! And now, how do we make it all better? He kills the bad guy and the cliche bad cop. Finally, as we have been pretty stereotypical up to this point, how do we make this ending one they won't forget? We get the protagonist to kill his bed-ridden wife, kill himself, and then have the side character, who is abstractly connected to him, give birth to a new baby who she names after our dead hero. Perfect! Give these people a ridiculous sum of money to make this film.

Girl's Rating: You could at least try to impress the audience.

DANTE'S INFERNO

Guy’s la la la, swoosh...

“Dante’s Inferno” is a animated movie that is based on the video game that hasn’t even come out yet. Dante works as a knight of the templar. When he comes home one day he finds his dying wife Beatrice. She dies but as she ascends to heaven, Lucifer shows up and steals her soul. Dante goes to hell to get her soul back. In hell, he has to fight though the nine circles of hell to find his beloved.

The movie in general feels a little bit lazy and waries in quality. The quality is different because every segment (rings of hell) are animated by different artists. Some good and some are actually very good. It seems for some reason that they took the plot of the game and squeezed it down to 90 minutes. This is probably the reason why the movie feels so weak. Girl is more in to fantasy so you’ll get a better reason from her to watch it or not.

Guy’s Rating: Seems like the game might be better.

Girl's hrmm...

This movie was pornographic and brutal. What it lacks in story, it made up in violent imagery. I'm not complaining, however. You watch a movie about a decent into Hell, and this is what I would expect to see. But, this movie is not for children. In fact, if you show this movie to children, you should reconsider whether you deserve to live. Some of the images drawn in this anime would disturb adults, let alone the vulnerable, developing mind of a child. That's how seriel killers are born.

Still, I enjoyed most segments of this film. Some artists were awful, depicting characters that looked too much like the stuff out of Pokemon (which I enjoy in it's own Saturday morning slot, but is not appropriate for the City of Dis), and some artists were fantastic in their illustration of a man deteriorating against the evil Lucifer puts him against.

To make or break any video game adapted movie, whether it be an animation or not, it comes down to visuals. Resident Evil was awesome because it had the beautiful heroine and some pretty wicked zombie attack scenes. Final Fantasy, in it's time, looked spectacular. It still does, in my opinion. A fun fact! I had my first kiss during Final Fantasy: Spirt Within. Ah, the romance! Final Fantasy: Advent Children, complete with an actual story-line that could tie into the video game, was also spectacular. And, although some segments of Dante's Inferno did not impress, enough of them did to make this movie worth watching.

Girl's Rating: If you like seeing movies with your favorite video game characters in them, then you will like this animation. If you aren't a fantasy geek, don't watch this and save us the annoyance of your superior judgement.

K-20: THE LEGEND OF THE MASK

Guy’s unmasked view,,,

First off, I don’t know about the title for this movie. I guess it works if they release more than one. A lot of Asian movies have been plauged by bad titles throughout history but they have still found their place on the white screen.

So what is this movie about. Heikichi Endo (Kaneshiro) is a master acrobat working in a small circus. The city he lives in is terrorised by a theif called K-20 aka the fiend with 20 faces. In the beginning of the movie K-20 steals one of Nikola Tesla’s machines. A machine that can create lightning. We find out that the machine he stole is just a small version of another machine that is hidden within the city. Now security is high and it gets harder for K-20 to steal the remaining pieces to find the larger device. Therefor he frames Endo as the the real K-20. A race starts for Endo where he needs to learn the art of theivery, clear his name, find K-20 and stop him from using Tesla’s machine to dominate the world.

This all sound super exciting and a great plot for a Asian movie. There’s a lot of action where we see Kaneshiro scaling building like Batman and fighting of baddies. This is sadly a very small part of the movie. There are more scenes o Kaneshiro walking in the raining, talking to the poor and falling for a princess. It just seems like they tried to fit to much in to a story that should be more action based.

I’m a fan of Asian cinema and I’m waiting for another golden era of that type of movies. It has been a cold period but this is certainly a step in the right direction. It’s fun, inventive and something that’s different from other action movies.

Guy’s Rating: A step in the right direction for us that love the genre.

Girl's small review...

This movie and Goemon blurred into one movie for me, even though they are fairly different. For one, this movie did not hurt my eyes nearly so much. Still, it seemed like a simplistic story, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, made gaudy by too many special effects and twists.

The one thing about this movie that pulled it up from it's near doom was the acting. It wasn't too over the top, although the comedy bordered on slap-stick at times. The characters weren't overly deep, nor were they one-stop-shops. Other than the ending, which was so cliche and dramatic I wanted to scream, I generally enjoyed their story and interaction.

Girl's Rating: If they make a second one, I will watch it. I guess that says something for this one.

LARGO WINCH

Guy’s thoughts on european action...

Clean, clean, clean. Keep the story clean. This is something Americans seem to have forgotten about when it comes to their action movies. They had it, don’t get me wrong. I love “Lethal Weapon”, “Die Hard” and “Beverly Hills Cop” cause they have a good simple storyline, great action and likeable characters. This movie has just that a guy that you can learn to root for, some simple plot points and some kick ass adrenaline action.

So Largo Winch was the beginning a Belgian comic book (yay! they can jump on the bandwagon). But it was not one of those shooting-flames-out-of-their-eyes-jumping-roof-to-roof kind of comic. The character Largo Winch was more of a James Bond type character with Bruce Wayne amounts of money.

So this is what happens. Largo Winch’s stepfather Nerio gets murdered and leaves his company and estate to him worth billions of dollars. They call him in to take over, but wait! Someone at the company want everything for herself (hmm). So she set Largo up and kills off all of his remaining family members. This makes him very angry and he outsmarts the bad guys and regains control of his company. Simple? I would say so.

The acting was better than average and Tomer Sisley (Largo) managed to look capable and a bit of a badass. There’s not many international faces in this movie but there is two. Karel Roden who seems to be the go to guy if you need a generic evil Russian and we also had Kristin Scott Thomas who usually shows up in more arty projects. At least they gave the movie some value on the international market because we all know that the American audience would hate to watch a whole movie without any poster names (bit harsh?). Well, the cast was good.

It seems like Europe might be the front runner right now when it comes to these types of movies. Not that they make more money than the shitty American ones, just that they’re better. Just look at “Taken”, “Banlieue 13”, “Crimson Rivers”, “Kiss of a Dragon” and “Brotherhood of the Wolf”. Some of these might be old by now but they all represent a steady stream of action coming out of France (many of who have Luc Besson behind them). So if you’re tired of bad American action like “The Marine”, “Shooter” or “The Condemned” then browes your foregin section for a bit.

Guy’s review: Should definitely be watched if you like a good action adventure film.

Girl's hizzah! ...

The only bad thing about this movie is that it's made by the dirty French. I'm part French so I can say that.

I love action movies. It's my favorite genre. When I was young (which wasn't very long ago, but I'm saying it nostalgically anyways) I would watch and re-watch the Die Hard series. I would go through phases on which one was my favorite. For a long time, number three was, although it definitely is number one right now by a long shot. Although Largo Winch and John McClane do not have much in common, they still get the job done when it concerns an action story.

Where John would use brute force, Largo uses his smarts. When John has almost no back story besides his wife and family, Largo's past is a huge component to his character. But! They are both handsome (yes, I find Bruce Willis handsome) and charming, and, most importantly, their moral compass always points due north. They always do what's right and needful.

Like Guy said, it's clean and simple that wins the race with action movies, and although it pains me to admit it, the French did a great job staying true to the story in this movie.

Girl's Rating: I tip my hat to you, France. You created something fun and enjoyable for once, instead of slightly insulting and pompous.

GOEMON

Guy’s epileptic afterthoughts...

I know Girl might not even wanna review this movie considering she was out of the room or writing on her computer 80 percent of the time. I still have a couple of things to say about this film, and if I write something, I’m pretty sure that Girl will have one or two thoughts.

Goemon, as many people know, is a famous character in Japan. He’s pretty much their version of Robin Hood. Or is Robin Hood a version of Goemon? Who cares as they are both pretty cool. Other historical figures in this movie are Nobunaga and Toyotomi, two men I learned about by playing the famous Capcom game Omnimusha (I need a new edition for my PS3, please). They are all great and have a great deal of myth surounding them which makes for good fairytales.

The guy behind this movie, Kazuaki Kiriya, who also made the visual explosion “Casshern”, might be a bit crazy. If you’re not ready for quick cuts and have a tendency to black out then this movie is not for you. It’s overwhelming at times. Everything is pretty much shot in front of a green screen and it’s amazing what a Japanese production can achieve with only a budget of 15 mill. I know it sounds like a lot but it’s not when it comes to movies in America. I think the movie looks great considering the price tag.

Story? I didn’t find it that compelling to be honest. I pretty much just kept watching for the overly red blood and extreme fight sequences.

Guy’s Rating: Not the best movie, but different. So if you want something new that you haven’t seen before (unless you saw “Casshern”) then this might be something for you.

Girl's rating...

This movie was boring and over-the-top. My eyes were tired before this film could hit the mid-point. Those are my one or two thoughts.

Girl's Rating: Meh... Fifteen million dollars, days and weeks and months in front of a green screen, and some spectacular costume design and I say just meh! Some of that money and time should have gone to a writer.