JURASSIC PARK

QUICK FACTS
Made in 1993, this movie was meant to scare the shit out of little kids. And it did.
Both the director, Steven Spielberg, and writer, Michael Crichton, were well established when they decided to make Crichton's book into a movie. Although, they left parts out, ie. the dinosaur eating a baby's skull...
It is said that in the original screenplay, Dr. Grant operated a marionette version of the giant T-Rex skeleton in the front lobby to crush the raptors, but this was discarded in rewrites...

Girl's raving review...

I loved this movie, and was terrified of this movie, as a child. The opening scene had me cringing into my parents' arms and crying before the first 15 minutes was over. It was the first movie that actually had me doing this. Before I had watched It and Jaws and been scared, but never cried... Until the wee hours of the night when I was worried there was a clown under my bed. Fuck you, Stephen King.

Although some of the animatronics and child acting is hard to handle, this movie stood among the greatest of the true Blockbuster age. It held it's own and then some, until Titanic swatted it out of the sky, but no big deal considering Jurassic Park doesn't have the scorn or distaste attached to it that some people can have for Leo's "King of the World" speech.

Girl's Rating: If you did not see this movie, you lived in a cave. If you did not like this movie, you can go live in a cave.

P.S. I'm so glad that Ariana Richards, the punk who played Lex the Annoying Girl, went on to make such movies as Tremors 3: Back to Perfection.

Guy's review is once again coming, when he gets his cute but lazy butt into gear!

PROOF OF LIFE

QUICK FACTS
This movie was made in 2000.
Taylor Hackford had directed 12 movies before this one, including An Officer and a Gentleman and The Devil's Advocate.
Proof of Life was nominated for five awards, but did not win a thing.
Harrison Ford was offered Crowe's role, but said no.

Girl's first review in a while...

This movie has many elements that appeal to me. Jungle warfare, flinch-worthy kills (cutting out the throat) and great suspense. I mean, I wasn't on the edge of my seat the entire movie, but David Morse plays the hostile, helpless hostage quite well. Maybe it's my infatuation with Crowe (in his earlier days, mind), but there is something about him with a gun, his native accent, and wearing a suit for a large portion of the movie that turns me on to this action flick. It might also be the reason why I thought the sexual tension between Ryan and Crowe was hot, and kept drawing me back to this movie time and time again, hoping she would be less of a prude. But... It's Meg. She's a bit of a prude.

Girl's Rating: Great lazy-night action movie that can be watched year after year.

Guy's review? He has been a bit busy lately (lazy, bastard), and will comment on this film as soon as he stops pulling a Girl move and commits.

CLASH OF THE TITANS

Girl’s OL: Sam Worthington is a hunk, but I definitely didn’t finish watching this.

Guy’s Jesus!... I mean Zeus!

Greek mythology has always been a source of good stories and stuff. One of my favorite video-games are the “God of War” series. Those games are a perfect example how to make the stories from the old greek scriptures fresh and a lot of fun. The original “Clash of the Titans” have become somewhat of a cult classic. I can see how but I was never a fan of this film, I was more into “Jason and the Argonauts”.

Now they’ve taken the hottest actor around (Sam Worthington) and thrown home straight in with the giant Kraken, some flying beasts, giant scorpions and a black pegasus. I think the movie did fine at the box office but it would not surprise me if it was a total bomb. I mean the movie is awful, very awful. I have no idea how they got Liam Neeson to play Zeus and I’m dumbfounded why Ralph Fiennes agreed to be Hades. Did they want to recreate “Schindler’s List” or something. They could have asked Ben Kingsley to play Poseidon, I bet he would have said yes. He seems to be making a lot of money driven choices lately.

This movie is barely good enough to watch just for the action sequences or the animation. The only half decent thing about this movie was the fight against Medusa. I think it’s like an hour into the movie so just skip the first couple of chapters. So to end this rant I want to say to everybody that is thinking about doing a greek mythology movie out there to think fresh. Do something new, even the Percy Jackson movie was better than this and that’s saying something.

Guy’s Rating: Awful, but I still feel that Sam Worthington will be a great action star in the future.

SAINT JOHN OF LAS VEGAS

Girl’s OL: From what I watched and can remember (I must have been drunk when Guy was watching some of these, since I seem to not remember much), this movie was unique, interesting, and starred my favorite asteroid terrorist, Steve Buscemi.

Guy’s Review

I had no preconceived thoughts coming in to this movie. This is usually a good thing. This is this directors feature debut which also is interesting and a strong one I might add. The movie is about a former gambling addict (Steve Buscemi) that is struggling with is need for thrill that it gives him. He has scaled his gambling down to scratch ticket and is now working as an insurance agent. An opportunity arises where he can climb the ladder at his firm. He is paired up with an insurance agent (Romany Malco) to investigate a rear ending near the city of Las Vegas.

I have to say that the chemistry between Malco and Buscemi is amazing. They are really funny together and maybe, maybe Malco will move past his role in “The 40 Year Old Virgin”. The very funny Sarah Silverman also appears as Buscemi’s love interest who is obsessed with everything smiley face.

This is a road trip movie so the encounters are the most important thing here. We will meet a bunch of naked crazies wielding guns in the desert. A dude that has a fire suit on that will not stop burning for a couple of days. A stripper performing a lap-dance in a wheelchair and many other funny people.

I liked this movie. The directing was great, the writing was funny and the acting was spot on. I’m always happy when new directors find their voice straight away and I can see that this guy will make even more hilarious movies in the future.

Guy’s Rating: Finally a new comedy that actually made me laugh over and over again.

THE KARATE KID

Girl’s OL: I love Jackie Chan, his movies, his stunts and even his stuntmen, but I think Mr. Smith Jr. over there should run from his parents and film and never look back.

Guy’s Review

I grew up in the 80’s so the original “Karate Kid” was one of the movies that everybody had to watch. I love that movie and always stop and watch if it’s on when I’m zapping through the channels. Now the time has come for this classic to be remade and ruined as many others before it.

So this time it’s about a boy (Jayden Smith) who has to movie to China because his mother has found herself a new job there. Once there he finds a girl, gets beaten up by some kung fu kids and then finds his sensei (Jackie Chan). Jackie teaches the boy the secrets of Kung Fu. The boy, who also is called ShaiDre grows as a person and as a fighter. In teaching the little boy Jackie also grows and comes to terms with the death of his family.

All this sounds great but it isn’t. The reason that the old movies worked is because Daniel-san was an awkward teenager. There was a lot of angst there that a ten year old kid has no idea how to comprehend. Also the training in the old films with the “wax on, wax off” seemed somewhat organic and plausible. Here Jackie has developed something similar but with a jacket that just comes off as lame and boring. We all know that Jackie is a great fighter and stuntman as well. Mr Miyagi just looked like a old man that couldn’t harm a fly if he tried.

I could probably go on and on about why the original worked better but I won’t. I guess this movie makes this story more accessible for todays youth but I doubt that it will. It’s just annoying to see two ten year old date. Also it boring to see kids fight for that matter. There wasn’t even anything close to that epic crane-kick to talk about here either. I mean the last kick in this movie just looked ridiculous. Some weird over the head spin around hanging in wires special kick that no kid can try to mimic. Yes! I tried the crane-kick and so did all of my friends. It might not have looked cool but I felt pretty awesome.

Guy Rating: You gotta stick with the original here.

COP OUT

Guy’s Review...

I’d like to start this review off with saying that I’m actually a big fan of Kevin Smith the writer and speaker. His directing might not be his strong suit but his movies have made me laugh over and over again. So the first mistake in making this movie was that he didn’t write it himself. It just didn’t feel or look like a Smith movie. It felt lazy and the cast felt like they didn’t have any fun doing this film. In his previous works you can actually feel that they are good friends and are having a good time together.

I remember watching one of the “Evening with Kevin Smith” lectures where he was talking about doing a movie with Bruce Willis. The thought of that when he told it was very exciting to me even if it would have turned out that Bruce would have played Silent Bob’s uncle. The first mistake they did was making him a cop again. We’ve seen this before but in a serious matter. Doing it in a comedic way is just a big mistake when he has characters like John McClain in his past.

The chemistry wasn’t there at all. Tracy Morgan might be one of the funniest stand-ups and interviews out there. His performance in this film however was not very funny at all. He had a small cameo in Smith’s “Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back” where he was hilarious. I’m just sad that it didn’t work out here as well.

Guy’s Rating: I’m sad to say that you should not watch this movie.

Girl’s OL: Don’t even bother, and I’m allowed to say that, Kevin Smith, even though I did not pay to watch your movie.

THE A-TEAM

Guy’s Review...

So we went to the theaters to get a much needed action injection. I watched The A-Team as a kid. It was part of a great line up of shows when I was a kid. It was MacGuyver, Airwolf, Knightrider and The A-Team. I loved all of those shows and couldn’t wait for the next episode. So the wait for this film was kinda long. I have to say that with age my love for this show had cooled a little bit.

I heard from people that saw this movie before me that it was way too much and over the top. I agree that it was ridiculous and the action was way, way over the top. I liked that, many of the action films I saw as a kid where made this way and I didn’t complain then and I’m not gonna start now. This was over the top in a good way. For the chemistry of the cast I liked that as well. Everyone was very funny even the sometimes dry Liam Neeson.

Highlight of the movie for me was probably the attempt to fly a tank hanging from on weak little parachute. I know this sounds like a ridiculous but the makers of this movie knew that as well and pointed it out in the dialogue.

I heard that Mr. T came out in the press against this movie cause people got killed and there where some sexual content in this film. The movie is still PG-13 and the violence is not gross or gory in any way. And I can’t remember any sexiness going on at any point in the film, just some kissing.

Guy’s Rating: If you love action than you’ll definitely get your fix here.

Girl’s OL: If you’ve seen the trailer and not had an itch to watch this movie, you’re probably either a dick or a loser.